refuse to look at stars

The night is clear, i keep my eyes downcast, immersed in earthly struggle, i seek the moon, a twisted dance among the quiet trees, voices tempt my ear to lonely plains,
these graceful strides amid the swamp and foggy wraiths that refuse to part,
meaning has been lost, i seek the sun, and refuse to look at stars.

Come down from your mountain, oh sweet reason, and walk awhile among us.


Things we lost in the fire.

little reason

I haven't written here for some time - which does not indicate a depravity of reason. Reason for writing, reason for reflection. Little life little reason ... Reason enough. Winter has taken hold and we huddle about the hearth and squeeze turnips to amuse our inhibitions. It is dark and that is good reason to turn the lights down low. I often sit in the dark. I find it soothing to let the shadows make their offerings. We throw ideas about like a new beach ball and maybe when i have time and energy to spare i'll shove the plastic in a pot and tend to making towers grow. Maybe... this is all pretty cryptic isn't it? I apologise. We'll talk, we'll sort things out, we'll make it ok again. You still don't know who this is for. Who does this address? Is it you? Is it someone else?

I don't know. You think i tell the keys to fall?

I often have moments of darkness when the lights are on. An imaginary owl 'hoots' in my ear. Like she has a secret. Like she's washing my neck. It doesn't matter what the sun is doing. I look for leaves and get lost in the sky. An echo of anxiety strokes my cheek and i become convinced that wolves will come to fetch me. I look into my soul and find the motel has a room. 'Vacancy', 'Rooms available'. And then the fear is creeping faster than desert lizards over sand. I become convinced that soon i will be found out. My illusions shall topple from their perch and be dashed upon the tiles. You smile unwavering, you hold your own against the tide. Neptune returns to the depths, crabs scuttle under coral. It is a struggle to swim in unknown water. I reach for driftwood. I have lost my way. The stars seem cold, distant. I swallow sea water and know i'm going mad. The night grows darker. My eyes stretch upward.

A snow owl passes. 'Hoot'. And all is calm.

School is good. Work is good. Love is good.

The music keeps on playing. I shall keep on dancing.

Little reason...

reason enough.

Benjamin